Change

     Change.
     Life for most is something in which you have no reason to change. Life is good, or good enough for most. Life either falls into place, or so much change happened in the past, that all seems to have settled.
     My life, as I know it, has fallen to pieces. Burned in a fire, I can't explain. I've longed for the change in which I've rejected for the entirety of my life. That little spark that could make all the difference. That spark, that walks by me, every hour of every day of every month, and hopefully of every year. She is what I've been waiting for. I pray that she knows, but I pray that she doesn't find out. Either I take the risk, have life crumble on top of the ashes, or have the crumbles rebuild themselves. As I lay, undecided, I'm running fresh out of time. "What to do?" I question. This is the question in which I've pondered for the past week. I sure Hope it all falls into place.

Ranting.

     Even to the few of you who actually view this blog of mine, I have no excuse for not posting lately. Lately I've been so unsure, and so picky about what I put on this blog, or even on Facebook for that matter. I've been on the roller coaster of finding out who I truly am and who I truly want in these few (very) short months. I've realized so many things, and dreamed of so many things. I truly believe that I have found me myself and I. Now whether this matters or not is not the question I'm pressing. In fact I'm not pressing a question at all.
     Throughout the past few months, I've watched my friends go in and out of relationships, giving me a good reason to be single. But on the other side, it has further pushed me toward depression. Watching the love, and connection between them makes me smile, but makes my insides grow hungry for the same life.
     So, through this "Endless" journey, as I fall to my knees and look up, I see you. Her. The beautiful face I've been searching for so long. I don't care if I actually do date her. All I care about is that I can try, and I can learn to quit searching, and just look up (As I hope you all do as well).
     Goodnight, and may your journey end at the foot of your bed. Sleep well.

Internal Love, Beauty, Connection

     Today, I had a deep and relieving conversation with one of my best friends about relationships, and what they mean. In American society, relationships have turned into a game, with no meaning or relevance to what they were 20 years ago. You see the whores and jocks walk up and down the hallway talking their brains away about sex, sex, and sex. Relationships are nothing but "friends with benefits" and the occasional drama. Nothing like they should be.

     I was looking up at a star tonight, as I talked to my dear friend about all of this, and I had a thought about how the world works as a whole, also in relation to smaller things. When I looked at the star, I thought about how that star has been doing its job the same way for millions of years, and if it wasn't than it would harm others, and maybe even itself. This should be how everything works. Sure, it can change things here and there, that help others without destroying the order of life and death. Earth has changed everything to the point where we think we are helping everything and everyone, but in the long run, we are killing ourselves. We are destroying the true meaning of a relationship.

     The love and connection between partners today is invisible. Most will deny, or think that their "love" is real, but it's really lust, and they think that they have a large connection. Truth is, is that your connection is physical. Everything is physically driven these days. "You're beautiful" has become a saying relating to physical beauty, instead of the internal beauty that truly should be the heart and soul of the relationship. You should feel sad when your partner leaves the room. You should be reminded everyday of why you are together, and you should subconsciously feel safe, and no regret telling them anything. This, my friends, is a real relationship.

Music Saves Lives, Laws Do Not

     Even within the few weeks since I've decided to log onto my blog, many things have changed. I feel refined, like salt between your fingertips. I have a sense of pride and can say that I feel like I've found my place in this world, which quite frankly, is out-of-place. I'm not striving to find the perfect place in the world, and neither should you. If you are yourself, you won't even have to find your place in life, it will find you. If you don't cheat yourself out the back door, your revolving door won't stop.

     "People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates" - Thomas Szasz

   

     Along with many of you all, I have a calling for music with a purpose, that speaks to me, and that gives me a reason to keep my pistons pumping. I had an interesting conversation with a few friends about how music saves lives. I hadn't really thought about it before when I was making fun of the Emos and Goths for listening to Slipknot, Korn, or any other stereotypical heavy metal band. It instantly came to my attention that making fun of "them" won't continue. It's indirectly joking about their existence in life. Everyone has a right to express themselves in their own way. Like how I listen to Third Eye Blind music all the time, because it keeps me moving, and how I write in this blog from time to time. In a way, YOU are keeping me alive. Stay alive, and stay well. Goodnight, my pillow is calling my name.

     

     "Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams." - Ashley Smith

    

     "Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends." - Anonymous 

     

Treatment.

     Ah, Treatment. No, not rehab. I mean how we evaluate people on a regular basis. You may find myself to be slightly stereotypical at certain points. Well, how can you blame me. Stereotypes are there because most of the time, they're factual. When we are talking about feelings toward another person, stereotypes tend to be followed closer.
     Today I'm going to start with (and mainly focus on) how guys tend to treat girls. It often begins to piss me off when I hear guys talking about girls, mostly because all you here is total, and utter bull crap about how this guy wants to sleep with this girl, and he's going to use her like his favorite pair of underwear.
     When all you here are illiterate jocks saying "I could tap that," it makes me a bit weary, wondering what our future generations of guys will be like. Granted, nearly all guys are like that, and have been for 50 years, I still wonder what goes through their minds, and why they think this is a sex driven world. When you see an innocent girl, who works for the greater good of their relationship, and in a month or less, she is crying in school, or sitting in the hallway contemplating why she spends the time to put herself out there for him, it makes you want to find that guy, and kick his ass (excuse the language).
     I can tell you right now, guys are terrible. The few guys that are even decent out there, are tough to find, and even they can turn on you. Coming from a guy, It's easy to be a guy. Guys have it so easy, it blows your mind. I'm not even going to go into detail about the difficulty it is to be a woman (not that I know). Then when guys go and crush their lives, along with all of the other struggles they go though on a daily basis, you are slowly breaking down the infrastructure of their self esteem and means for like.
     I honestly can't say that I'm a perfect guy. I mean, I'm not even close, but who is? No one, but I feel like we could still be a bit closer than what we are. When life is about "Bangin' that hoe" you'd think that you could catch a clue, or that your blood flow would at some point go back to regulating around your brain.
     Once again, It shocks me how we treat women. We use you, then throw you away. I guess all I can say, is if you're reading this, and your a guy, I hope you regain some consciousness. If your a girl, good luck, and I hope you grab that perfect guy, and never let go.

             Quote for the day:

                   “Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.” - Anonymous
 

Adam Speaks of Love

Well, well, well. Let's all be perfectly honest. Who, still alive on this earth, believes love lasts forever?

Personally, I do. To me, if you've really found your love, you'll never ever lose that. Sometimes it's best for everyone to let it go. Sometimes it all works out in a beautiful symphony.

Unfortunately, in our culture today, we don't see love. In our sex-filled, cesspool of a society, we see lust. We don't understand fully what it is that love is.

Lust... The unfortunate love look-alike. It confuses the young mind. However, when that bright, unruly flame dies out, so does the illusion of love. That's how it works in most cases. I'm fairly certain I just described at least one of your previous relationships. Doesn't it absolutely just blow up in your face and you feel like something's missing? That's the lust, gone finally. That's all it does, it begins with such a rush that you can't help but feel like that person is the one. When it's done with, you'll feel as if a part is missing. However, start it all back up again with another person, you'll feel renewed and thus the cycle repeats.

Love is something I've contemplated since I was young. Very young. I was maybe seven when I noticed people around me "Loving" each other. Of course even at that time, it's just a silly kind of friend love. I always took to heart the meaning of love as bestowed upon me by the actual relationships of human beings around me.

To everyone, it has a seperate definition. To each human, love is something else. The way it feels, the way to find it. It's all your own. When someone tells me they're in love, (I'm talking about teenagers of course) I count the days until that "love" dies. It doesn't neccesarily die as much as it withers. One of the parties tries to hold on to it, enduring the most of the trauma. What they're really trying to hold on to is the remainder of that lust. That lust which will never be re-kindled to what it once was.

Now, after losing my train of thought, I thought I'd share with you all some of my favorite quotes regarding love: (I went to the trouble of italicizing the parts that are most important to me.)

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'” ~ Unknown

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.” ~ Unknown

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.” ~ Unknown

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.” ~ James Earl

“One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.” ~ Unknown

“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.” ~ William Somerset

“Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see.” ~ Unknown

“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.” ~ Unknown

“True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.” ~ Unknown

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.” ~ Roy Croft

“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.” ~ Unknown

Now, for fear of writing a book on the topic, I'm going to try and limit my ideas expressed in this. Here's my train of thought veering back on track.

When someone has truly found "The One", I believe they will realize it out of the blue. They may have thought differently about this person beforehand, but then they suddenly had a revelation. An epiphany.

Granted, I'd have no way of knowing, seeing as I'm in high school. Just starting out at that. I feel as though I can guess what it would be like to truly love someone. Just watch any movie nowadays and you'll see something along the lines of falling in love somewhere in the movie. I realize that's a generalization, but in most cases, you'd find a love scene.

High school relationships. What are they? Really?

I've spoken to people lately about them. I've experienced discussions of nearly every view. Personally, I believe that the main goal and purpose of any relationship is a sort of test to find the right significant other. I do have a bit to tack on to the end, though. I believe that in high school, there's no need for anyone to fully expect to live the rest of their life out with the other person. I do, however believe that you must treat that person as if you are spending the rest of your lives together. That's the only way to truly determine what it is you want from a person.

I've finally had the time to think this last day or so, and I firmly believe all of this. Not a single person I can imagine can truly expect to find love whenever they date someone. It's all a process to find the right person. Statistics say that one in three marriages end in divorce. (That's the number I remember, anywho.) I think it's about time a new generation of people who care came up from the depths a really thought about what love is. I think it's about time things change from this downhill path.

Let's help the image of american society and culture by getting to know ourselves a little bit better. Then search for your true better half.

The Bird and the Worm

As the rain keeps many other cooped up in bed, I embrace the grace and beauty of this weather. I feel nocturnal to the weather. As many know, I live in Nebraska and find it fitting to love the rain and bitterness of winter. I still to this day wonder why people in Nebraska hate the cold and rain. You would think that people would adapt and remodel their views of this if it is what you live with every season. Oh, well. It's fine with me, because it just means that I get to enjoy the weather while others suffer. Evil, am I not?

Now bear with me as I introduce a little pet peeve of mine. I feel like talking about this because it came up into context a couple of times this week. It makes me grind my teeth till I have no Enamel left to throw away from aggravation. When people tell me that "They know me" and that they think they have me "All figured out." The reason I am so sensitive on this topic has to do with the fact that, people DON'T know who I am, and they insist that they do. Well sir, if you have me figured out so well, why don't you tell me my social security number? That's what I thought. By seeing someone during school, and talking to them once in a while, that doesn't give you the right to say you know them. I can understand some of my great friends out there that I have known and willingly told about myself and my life, but not an acquaintance that I haven't taken the time to talk about my life to.

Well, enough about my ranting for the day. To make up for my tardiness yesterday, I made this post a bit longer, and I will have a couple more quotes I like for you all tonight. Thank you (:




        Quotes for this fine Thursday:
Leisure times should be an occasion for deep purpose to throb and for ideas to ferment. Where a man allows leisure to slip without some creative use, he has forfeited a bit of happiness. - C. Neil Strait


Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why. - Bernard M. Baruch


Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. - Martin Luther King, Jr.


There is no passion to be found playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. - Nelson Mandela


Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there. - Rumi


The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. - Alvin Toffler


Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. - The Buddha